Sometimes I wonder as to what do I actually want..What is it that I truly want to do..
I have tried, tested different things, experimented a lot..And then I had zeroed in on Acting 4 years back when I started..
But in the domain of Plays itself, a lot of hard work goes into putting up a Play, that makes you wonder – Is it worth it?
At times it’s maddening..
Getting the right furniture to suit the theme is not fun..Painting them, never..
Even a small thing like putting up a curtain is like hell, because if the gathers are not right, it looks really shabby under the lights..And pinning the curtains, don’t even ask..
Putting up posters all across is tiring..
Co-ordinating with people, making sure tickets are moving..Promoting your own Play considering that the Audience turn-outs are usually less than 0.5% of the outreach..Uff!!
And I haven’t even talked about Light, Sound and Audience management..Huh!!
Is it worth it?..And knowing very well that the only way you can give meaning to the efforts of all those people who have helped, is by performing well, by putting up a good show.
What do I really need as an Actor? What is my driving force? Is it stardom, pics and videos on facebook and youtube, newspaper articles, loads of attention, performance at top-shot venues and festivals?
I realized, the answer is No. I just need an Audience to watch me, and to become a Character to the best of my ability. I just want to perform. That’s what I truly want.
And maybe in those few moments of my happiness, I will find the worth of all of it..